expiMdu (Mixed up)
by PaigieNow
Summary: Guthrie is having trouble with reading and writing at school. With teachers being insulting to him and love ones who try to understand but don't baring down on him Guthrie begins to lash out. His behavior is beginning to cause a rift with him and the ones he loves most. Now Guthrie must figure out is there something wrong with him or his teachers right when the say he is stupid.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note-**

**I would first like thank Willful Redhead for giving me this idea to write a story about dyslexia. Since I have dyslexia and dysgraphia this story story hit pretty much close to home, and a lot of what I have written is parallel to my own life. A lot though not all of it, but the teachers I have picked to be in this story are based on teachers that have actually taught me, and I have picked the worst and best throughout my thirteen years of school and their behavior towards me are pretty true I wish I could say I was exaggerating on some of them, but sadly I'm not. Has for lashing out I did a lot during the dyslexia phase, but it never got physical just warning on that one. Also for those of you who do not know what dyslexia is is basically a learning disability that effects reading, writing, and spelling. Also I looked up the symptoms of dyslexia to make sure some of stuff I had written in here wasn't just me, and luckily (since I already finish writing this chapter when I researched the symptoms) I was spot on and I was glad to know some of stuff in here wasn't just me. Also the reason I picked Guthrie is because he is the youngest, and the most rateable for me personally since I am the youngest in my family and living under the shadow of my super smart brother and everything family between me and him is pararell to Guthrie and Ford in this story except some changes in the lashing out part. Well anyways I you like it, and for everyone reading little mustang there will be a new chapter up soon... Once again I hope you enjoy!**

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I hate reading it's becoming more and more difficult. Right now my English teacher Mrs. Stephens is having us read the Outsiders by E.S. Hinton... I mean S.E Hinton. I hate reading this book; it's very difficult to read. Worst off Mrs. Stephens is having us popcorn read. That is why I always read ahead yet I honestly don't know what the book is saying. When I'm picked everything I read out loud gets tangled up and the word flow loses its order. I can tell Mrs. Stephens is starting to get annoyed with me.

"Guthrie McFadden!" I snapped out of my thoughts and looked at Mrs. Stephens who had her arms crossed and was giving me a sickening glare, what a surprise.

"Ye…yes… Mrs. Stephens?" I asked with a stuttered. "Since you like to-day dream, as the main character Ponyboy does why you don't read the next paragraph." Damn, I kept looking at the book and back up at her, every time I looked at her, the evil grin she wore on her face kept growing and growing.

I gulped, and then started to read "I….I….is...was... com…. comin'… from…home…home from the movies….didn't think..." I only could read that sentence barely because I had Brian read this chapter to me the other day. Repeating it back word for word was starting to become a problem. I could hear the stifled giggles around me, I don't know what came over me, but I just threw the book down and ran out the class room.

I almost made it down the hall, but then I heard my name being yelled and I stopped in my tracks.

"Guthrie McFadden, I don't know what that was about in there, but I am tired of you being a class clown and trying to be funny for all your friends." She hollered. I let out a slight growl, but held back my tongue. I know if I fought back with a teacher Adam would ring my neck to no end.

"I wasn't trying to be funny," I muttered, I couldn't look at her in the eyes, but I could feel them burning into my skull.

"Well your antics will drive your friends away." She declared. God I never thought I could hate a teacher as much as I hated her.

"I just don't understand how the younger brother of Crane, and Ford McFadden could be so different…" I thought to myself 'maybe because we are different people', but I let her continue, "I mean those two boys were my brightest students, and I was excited when I saw your name on the list, now I can say I am less than pleased." She glared.

'Yeah well as much as I heard about you I can say the same thing.' I let out a sigh of relief when I heard the bell ring. I ran back into class to get my stuff, "Hey McFadden are you stupid?" I looked up to see Zach Dobbs.

"No I just don't like being picked to read on the spot." I came up with quickly. In all honestly I ask myself the question every day, but I figure I should just ignore it, and just try getting by in seventh grade.

"Oh yeah me too, what class are you going to next?" Zach asked.

"Math," I answered dully. "Ah that's a rough class to end the day with." Zach said.

"Excuse me boys if you don't mind to loiter outside of my classroom, so I can go home!" Mrs. Stephens yelled.

We both rolled our eyes, and were about to walk out the door when Mrs. Stephens grabbed me by the arm, "I need to finish our earlier conversation."

"I'm sorry… I have to get to math." I stammered.

"Well you should have thought about that before you decide to talk to Mr. Dobbs here. Now Mr. Dobbs if you will excuse us." Zach left, but not before muttering "What a bitch…"

"Well I know someone who will be receiving detention." She said to herself before turning back to me, "Now Guthrie I want to know how you made it through elementary school?"

"I don't know I guess cause I study." I sighed. I barely passed elementary school, a fact that I wasn't going to share with Mrs. Stephens.

In truth everything looked like hieroglyphics some words I could read, but most were jumbled up. Even smalls word seemed to differ than what they really were. "Well Guthrie McFadden if you do not straighten up this behavior, I will have no choice but to call your brother Adam." 'Good luck,' I thought, her threats were kind of pointless when it came to Adam. Crane and Ford might have like her, but according to Adam she can be a real dragon. At first I thought maybe she changed with age, but no she only favors the smartest kids in class, and this reading impairment will not earn any brownie points with her.

"Guthrie are you listening?" Mrs. Stephens asked in strict tone. "Yes Mrs. Stephens." Her eyes looked like they were about to pop out of her skull after I answered her mockingly.

"Go to class Mr. McFadden god knows we don't slacking in your other class like you're doing in this one!" She said very sternly. I didn't hesitate to leave, and when I walked down the hallways I try to say to myself it's not me it's her, but maybe I'm slacking. The only classes I'm doing any good in, is art and gym everything else is too difficult.

When I got to algebra I heard the 'delightful' voice of my teacher Mr. Ragsdale. "Well look who finally decided to join us today." I put my head down refusing to look at him, and quietly took my empty seat. "So while you Guthrie were taking your sweet time getting here we were going on integers."

I sighed and rolled my eyes as he continued to ramble on, "_Is -18 + 1 positive or negative?"_ I wrote the question down _is 18+-1 positive or negative…_ It had to be seventeen because 18+-1 one would equal 17 and then that would mean it would be positive. Yes finally I was going to get something correct in this awful class!

"Mr. Ragsdale I know the answer!" I raised my hand in excitement.

"Well, well I can say I'm than surprise okay Guthrie what is the answer?" Mr. Ragsdale grinned evilly. "Positive!" I said with cheer. I was mainly excited because I knew I would have to last laugh, "Well Mr. McFadden you have proven once again that you are complete disappoint compared to your old brother Ford." What! How was I disappointment I mean I got the right answer… didn't I? "You see the bigger number would decide the outcome of the problem." He explained, I interrupted though because I knew I was right, "Yeah eighteen is bigger so the answer is positive!"

"Your right in the regards that eighteen is the bigger number, but there is a negative in front of the eighteen which would make the answer negative eighteen Guthrie!" After he was done yelling I kept looking at the question that I wrote down, suddenly it changed. It was no longer _18+1_, but now it was_ -18+1_ I must be losing it.

After the math problem fiasco I kept my mouth shut for the rest of class, even though I tempted to defend myself. Since I fought back with him on that problem and lost h\kept making rude remarks about my intelligence, but to avoid further conflict I just let the punches keep on rolling.

Saddest part about his sick jokes against his me was none of my classmate were laughing. This wasn't the first time he made fun of how dumb I was, but the first time everyone laughed. As classes went by and the jokes kept going the roaring laughter turned to quiet snickers, now there was nothing.

When they don't laugh it means I really am stupid, they feel bad if they laugh. I hate feeling stupid Brian tells me not to worry about, same with Daniel neither did well in school, but at least they could read and write without harassment when there were some imperfections.

Then there is Ford I love him, but at school I hate him so much for setting the bar so high that even if I was at Daniel and Brian level I could never reach Ford's. I hate feeling stupid mainly because it is separating from my family and friends. My friends think I'm stupid and my brothers think I'm slacking, and honestly I don't know any more. I slumped my head in my hands and just wanted to disappear for a while go somewhere where there is other illiterates like me.

I felt like math would never end so I started to fantasize about running free into the wild. I could feel the cool California breeze gently hitting my face and the tall green valley grass whipping against body as I run with my arm wide open to the world ahead of me. I could hear swishing the rivers glide around and over every pebble and rock that create white edge waves as each splashed off the algae covered rocks. Suddenly I saw a bear by the river trying to catch a fish. The mighty creature's paw kept slamming against the water, and I take my seat on the edge of a rock just watching in pure fascination. Suddenly the bear looks up at me, and both of us just stared at each other. It was a spiritually intimacy that made me feel one with God himself, but the bear started growling and let out a mighty roar. My eyes burst open in fear and I'm face to face with Mr. Ragsdale.

I never thought in my life I could go from paradise to hell in just a split second. I looked around and saw a bunch of my classmates trying to hold back their laughs and smiles. I turned back to see Mr. Ragsdale's fuming red face and his eyes bulging out of head. "Guthrie McFadden I have put about with your shenanigans for too long I am giving you an hour of detention after school today!"

I was completely dumbfounded am I really about to get a dentition for day dreaming in class. I decided to keep my mouth shut to lessen the punishment, but my stomach sank when he continued his rant, "Now if you will excuse me while I go to office to make a phone to McFadden house to explain why their youngest is going to be late coming home from school."

As he left the class, everyone turned around looked at me. "What?" I asked harshly. I kept my head down refusing to look back at their blank stares. "Hey Guthrie?" A soft angelic voice quietly spoke; I looked up to see it was Jane Campbell. She was the prettiest girl in school she had long deep dark brown hair that almost look black. Her face had a light tan tint to it, and dark blue eyes that almost look purple from far away. She always wore some kinda of pretty dress with a big bow to match. "Ye...ah Jane?" I stammered she literally made the word melt in my mouth to where they come out as almost nothing. "You shouldn't take anything Mr. Ragsdale says to heart he is just a lonely bitter old man who could never find a girl…" "Or boy!" I muttered. The whole class busted out laughing, "Ha yeah Mr. Fagsdale!" The kid behind me yelled, and his comment just sent our laughter into a louder roar.

For a split second I felt normal again, but it was short-lived when Mr. Ragsdale walked back into the room. "What is this ruckus?" He yelled. Luckily the before anyone had time to answer the school bell rang, and everyone scrambled out of the classroom, I tried to silently slip in to crown, but I felt a hard yank on the collar of my shirt. "Oh no you don't now sit one hour starts now!"

The hour felt like it would never end I just sat there counting the ceiling tiles trying to ignore Mr. Ragdales deadly stares. "Okay Guthrie the hour is up." I looked down at him quickly and grab my back. "Guthrie I…" I ran out of the room and sprinted quickly down the hall before he could give me a lecture about my stupidity.

When I got outside I took in the fresh air freedom, "Hey Guthrie!" I looked to see who was calling… Daniel.

He was leaning against his beat up truck, and I ran to him as quick I could just so I could go home.

"Hiya Danny!" I beamed. To be honest I'm glad Adam or Brian wasn't here… mainly Adam just because he could defiantly give an earful.

"Heard you got in trouble today," he said as we got into the car. "Yeah yeah," I tried to wave off as I shut the door. "What for this time?" He asked mockingly. 'This time' I rolled my eyes, and answered dully, "day dreaming."

Suddenly I jerked forward as Daniel slammed on the brakes, "What?" He was laughing so hard that he had to stop the car just so he wouldn't wreck, "Well are you gonna stick with that story?" I gave him a very confused look, "It's the truth…"

"Yeah well good luck telling that to Adam!" He laughed again. I just rolled my eyes and simply replied, "Whatever why don't you just concentrate on driving people are starting to honk."

When we got home I quickly jumped out of truck and tried to sneak back in the house quietly. "WE'RE HOME!" Daniel yelled. I cringe and turn back at Daniel who just give me a smile and mouthed you're welcome. I glare and turn back around to see Adam standing in front of me.

"Kitchen now!" He commanded. I shrug my shoulders and quietly walk into the kitchen and take the seat farthest from where Adam normally sits. I heard footsteps and there before I know are Brian, Crane and Hannah following Adam who is leading the charge.

"Okay Guthrie I think you know why you're here?" Adam said after he took a seat next to me.

"Yes sir." I answered quietly.

"Your teacher said you caused a seen in class today is that true?" Adam looked at me waiting an answer.

"Well it depends is day dreaming causing a seen?" No answered me for a second, and then Brian just like Daniel busted out laughing.

"Seriously?" Brian asked between the laughs. "Yeah I was in Mr. Ragsdale class and he was making…"

"Wait you were in Fagsdale's class?" Brian asked after he finally stopped laughing.

I just nodded and Brian just stuck his hand in the air and waved it in front of him to blow off this conversation. "If you in Fagsdale class that explain everything. I had him and let me tell you all that old kook was good for was bringing down students' self-esteem."

"You called him too?" I smiled at Brian.

Brian looked completely flabbergasted, "Know it? Who do you think made it up?" He smiled as he pointed at himself.

"Okay that is enough!" Adam shouted to take control over this meeting again.

"And you stop teaching him that filth." Hannah added as she slapped Brian in the back of the head. Brian let out a big yelp and Adam just rolled his eyes and looked back me, "Guthrie it isn't just Mr. Ragsdale. The only teacher we haven't gotten a phone call from this year is your art teacher and P.E teacher. Your history, math, English, science teachers, hell even your study hall teacher say you are falling behind in their classes." Adam looked at me for a while I could tell he was deeply concerned, "I just don't understand it." I admitted dejectedly.

"Guthrie that is fine if you don't understand, but you should have come to us sooner." Adam said gently. "Yeah buddy I could tutor you, if you like?" Crane offered.

"Can I just dropout?" I asked giving myself a little false hope that hell froze over and Adam would say yes.

"No not only no, but hell no why would just want to give up like that?" I shouldn't ask because now Adam gentle tone was gone, and he raging worse than a bear.

"What the point if I ain't smart besides you didn't finish and you ended up just fine!" I pointed out. Adam was puffing steam at this point, "Yeah it was either stay in school and watch my little brothers being taken away to some foster home or quit and raise y'all. You know Guthrie I don't understand why you want to take the easy way out maybe you should study a little harder like Ford!" That was it I am tired of being compared to Ford so like most situation today I got up and ran.

I ran into the barn to get away but then I hit somebody, "Hey where is the fire kiddo?" Evan asked lovingly. "Me and Ford were about to go clean the hayloft you want to help." There it was again Ford's name. I saw Ford going up the ladder to the hayloft and I was so blinded by rage that I ran over and push the ladder with Ford on it.

"Ow… Guthrie why you do that for?" Ford asked as he tried to sit up.

"I hate you!" I yelled. "I hate you… I hate you…I wish that fall would have killed you! I continued, "You aren't my brother. You're the worst mistake mom and dad ever made, and I hate you! Instead of dying now I wish you would have died at the hospital that night you born that way I wouldn't have to live in your shadow!" I blurted out. I snapped out of my rage, and I was horrified to see my older brother look back at with hurt in his eyes while he cradled his right arm.

"Guthrie are you crazy what's gotten into you?" Evan demanded to know as he went to check Ford. Before he pressed me for answers I ran towards the clearing.

"Guthrie!" I hear, but choose to ignore. "Guthrie wait up!" I hit the ground as this force tackled me. I flipped myself over to see Daniel peering over me, "So I'm guessing the conversation with Adam didn't work out?" He looked quizzical at me.

"Yeah well he compared me to Ford, and I took my anger out on Ford." I explained. I got into a sitting position with Daniel sitting next to me. "Took your anger out how?"

"I think I broke his arm." I answered. I was kind of embarrassed it wasn't Ford's fault people used his hard work and intelligence to put me down, I had no right to hurt him the way I did, but my anger just got the best of me.

"That's it?" Daniel asked.

"I also told him I wish he would have died and he is not my brother and he was the biggest mistake mom and dad ever had." I explained trying to hide my face.

To my surprise Daniel huffed, "I seen worse, you should have seen the fights when mom and dad died. I remember I was so mad at Evan because he ruined my school project that I told him he was the reason mom and dad left, and this was right after they died. So he went and hid in mom and dad's closet before it became Adam's. I remember Ford crying because he thought he lost his best friend, Adam tanning my hide, but the main thing I remember is the apology when we finally found Evan."

"How did you apologize to Evan?" I questioned.

"We I told him that I love him, and he was never the reason for mom and dad leaving, and I promised him I would never say anything that terrible to him again, but I was apologizing to a six-year so yours will have to be a little more realistic." He replied.

He wrapped an arm around my shoulder, and pulled me in close, "I know I have to say I'm sorry, but it wasn't my fault. I just blinded by the rage from being under Ford's shadow!" I cried into shoulder.

Daniel started to laugh calmly, "That why you're so angry?" I nodded into his shoulder unable to answer. "Guthrie you think being under Ford's shadow is bad… Trying being under Crane's now that is the worst." I was to argue, but he advance in his speech, "Yes Ford is probably just as smart as Crane, but let me tell you and I'm sorry but thanks to Ford's crippling shyness Ford's social skills are a nightmare. Crane on the other hand maybe quiet, but when he wants to give a speech or is trying to sell something… Man, I swear he could snow to Eskimo if he wanted to. Man I remember teachers use to compare all the time to him and I did what you did took my anger out on him."

"Yeah, but one of my teachers always compares me to Crane and Ford, and maybe I really am dumb." I said with inflated personality.

"No being in your brothers shadows don't make you dumb?" Daniel urged trying to make me feel better. "I don't know… when I see word in a book the letters get all scramble up, and the word order is off same is with numbers. When I'm doing problems they look normal and suddenly there mixed up again." I explained.

"Maybe you need glasses or something, but hey watch out angry Adam coming right towards us." Daniel warned. I see Adam charging through the field like a vicious animal about to kill its prey.

"Guthrie are you okay?" Adam asked as he towered over me.

"Yeah I'm fine how's Ford?" I asked casually. Adam just stared at me for second and crumble right next to me.

"Crane thinks he has a broken arm so for punishment you'll being his chores for a while." Adam informed me. "Sounds fair," I agreed casually. "I was awful to him Adam, and I'm gonna try harder in school I promise and I will…" I started to cry again and Adam took me from Daniel and soothed me gently.

"I know you will try studying harder because you always do what you say you're going to do. I know you love Ford because you agreed to do his chores no complaints, and I know your sorry because you here saying you're sorry." Adam stopped for a minute and planted a light kiss on the top of my head.

"We love you Guthrie and one tantrum from you isn't gonna make it any less. Hey you know what Hannah is making Ford some homemade ice cream, but I'm pretty sure she will need a taste tester. What do you say?" Adam began budging my side to try to make me smile, "Yum homemade ice cream begging for some to test its deliciousness!"

"You convinced me!" Daniel yelled as got up and started sprinting to the house.

"Hey wait!" I yelled because I was determine to be the taste tester of this homemade ice cream. I look back to see Adam grinning and slowly trailing from behind.

Daniel and I both taste tested Hannah's ice cream and Adam was right it tasted delicious. After what felt like forever the rest of my brother came through the door with groggy Ford in tow.

"What's the verdict?" Daniel asked.

"Broken in two places," Brian announced.

"Ah that's nothing still doesn't beat the record." Daniel said he walked up to Ford patting him on the back. I could tell Ford was grimacing because he didn't usually get this much attention.

"Record?" Hannah asked with a hand on hip and look like she was about regret asking.

"The boys keep this record of who has the worst body injury, such as Ford broken arm, but Brian almost had to chop his off so he has the worst arm injury." Adam explained.

Hannah gave us a look of disgust that was so hard not to laugh at, "That's awful!"

"It's fun, and Adam don't try to act so mature you know you have fun with it too!" Evan said who glared at before he led Ford to the living followed by Crane.

Adam just waved him and walked over to Hannah, "He lying…" He kissed on the lips and Hannah pulled away, "Sure." They kissed again, and I yelled out, "Kissy kissy kissy." Daniel and Brian started roaring in laughter.

"Hey I thought the rule was no PDA in the kitchen?" Daniel question sarcastically before laughing again.

"Yeah well you boy's best behave if you want some of Ford's ice cream." Hannah warned. Brian and Daniel stood up straight on the dot and saluted Hannah. Adam rolled his eyes, and muttered "Jackasses…"

"Hey Guthrie where about have dinner so why don't you go wash plus I think Ford might want to talk to you. "Hannah suggested. I sank in my chair a little bit, "What if he's mad at me?"

Brian crossed the room and bent down to eye level with me, "Guthrie the entire time we were at the hospital he kept asking if you were alright, the reason he didn't come and say hi to you if because he is kind of out of it from the meds and he had to go straight to the couch, but assure if you talk to him and tell you love him it will make his night."

"What about Evan?" I asked. I knew Ford was quick to forgiven, but Evan was kind of a hot-head and very protective over Ford, "What about Evan? Evan loves you Guthrie now you did mess with Ford, but you're his brother to and it would be impossible to stay mad at your baby brother. Now you go talk to Ford, and I will get Evan and Crane out of the room. How does that sound?" Brian asked ruffling my hair. I couldn't help but giggle and nodded my head, "Sounds perfect except please don't call me baby."

"Ha yeah right baby bro!" Brian laughed pulling towards the living room.

I walked in to living to be greeted by three different types of stares. First was Crane who just gave blank not really any emotion to me, then there was Evan who had fire in his eyes, and last was Ford who looked loopy, but that was probably from the meds.

"Crane, Evan Hannah needs your help in the kitchen." Brian said has he indicated for the kitchen. Crane took the hint and left for the kitchen, while Evan stood his ground.

"Evan!" Brian barked. Evan reluctantly got up, and gave me one last warning glare before going into the kitchen with Brian.

"Hey Ford." I said timidly.

"Hey buddy." Ford said happily.

"Ford I'm sorry!" I ran up to him and hugged him as hard as I could without jostling his hurt arm.

"I love you so much and I'm glad you survived the fall and the night you were born, and… and…" I sobbed.

"Hey buddy its okay I know you didn't mean, but can you tell me what I did so I can never do it again because that was one hell of a push," Ford laughed patting me on the back.

"You're smarter than me." I admitted.

"What you're mad at me because I'm smart?" I could tell Ford was very confused and the medication he was on wasn't helping.

"Yeah teachers always talk about how great you and Crane are especially you, and Adam brought it up today and I don't know I just got mad so ran into the barn to be alone, and saw Evan and he mentioned you and I saw you and I guess I took my anger out on you." Ford shook his head, "Guthrie you're plenty smart and there are plenty of things you can do that I wouldn't even dream about doing."

I gave him disbelieving look, "Oh yeah like what?"

"Well you can draw better than anyone I know. You faster than most of those horses out there, and you can get up in front of an audience no problem. I rather be here with a broken than get up in front of a large crowd." Ford said.

"About this you go get whatever homework you have to do and I will help you with it?" My jaw drop and I shook my head yes.

I quickly ran to get my backpack, when I heard Ford yell, "I don't know how much help I will be though considering the meds." I didn't care though I just glad my brother wasn't mad at me. Heck I think I was madder at myself than he was.

I also glad because maybe Ford could help me not be stupid anymore, and I can learn to read more than just baby words.

"Hey were you going Guthrie?" Hannah asked me.

"Ford's gonna help me with my homework." I kept running not waiting for a response.

After I got my backpack from Daniel's truck Ford help with my homework and it was difficult. Mainly because he was out of his mind due to medication, and all the letters were scrambled up. After a while I just told Ford that I would do my homework after some ice cream, and he should get his rest. He didn't really object in fact he fell right to sleep when head hit the pillow.

I just sighed and look down at the scribbles on my homework, "Why can't I be as smart as you," I muttered to Ford, but mainly to myself.

"Hey Guthrie dinner time is Ford asleep," Adam came in asking.

"Yeah Adam I'm feeling pretty tired too can I just go to bed?" I asked praying he say yes.

"You're not hungry?" Adam gave me a funny look as I shook my head no.

"Are you sick?" Adam came over to me and put a hand on my head.

"You don't feel warm…" I quickly interrupted, "I've had a long day today I'm just tired is all."

"Okay well did you finish your homework?" Adam questioned.

"Yep just finished." I shook my head eagerly hoping he would finally say yes.

"Well if your homework is finished and you're not hungry I don't see why you can't go to bed early." Adam finally answered. I quickly grabbed all my stuff was about to run up stairs when Adam called me one more time, "Since you going to be doing Ford's chores tomorrow Evan is going to pick you up, and at 4:35 you and him are going to me Earl down at the hardware store for these supplies for the ranch from a shipping truck that doesn't come into town too often. Now here the thing if you aren't there at 4:35 then the shipping truck will leave, and we won't get the supplies if you're late apparently the guy driving the truck is snake, and won't wait for anyone, but if we buy it from him we get it super cheap. So remember time?" Adam asked expecting me to repeat the answer back to him.

"4:35 hardware store." I answered back. He smiled back at me and nodded his head in approval, "Yes sir, and are you sleeping in Ford's bed tonight?" Adam asked.

"I didn't have the heart to wake him up," I sympathetically nodded towards Ford.

"Yeah I see what you mean well goodnight little partner!" Adam yelled as disappeared into the kitchen.

"Night!" I ran into my brother's room and quickly got a sheet a of paper and wrote done the time and place for the ranch supplies, '5:34 hardware store' yep I read back to myself perfectly 4:35 hardware store.

I was finally proud because I going to get something right by helping my brother out. As for school I guess I will just have survive those my brother thing the understand I know they don't.

Since no one understands what I see when I do my school work, or when a teacher is giving a lecture, I guess I'm going to have to work through it myself. As the school year goes on it is becoming harder and harder.

After thinking about school my self-s

Esteem went from 100% to none what was I suppose to do? I just put my homework away along with hardware store note in my backpack. I kicked off my boots, and laid down on Ford's bed. I laid facing away from the door, and just started crying. Crying because I can't read or write, and I how am the village idiot of the family.

I was also crying because I hurt my brother who has done nothing but love and try to help me. I know he said I was forgiven but it was most likely from the medications. I mainly cried because I know when my brothers find out I can't read or write then they will think I'm completely stupid and be ashamed of me.

So that night I cried until everything around me went black, and I could cry no more.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello everyone I know it's been a while, but quick spew. It's was summer so I was supper busy, and on top of that I my laptop broke so I had to write the chapter on others which meant I didn't have to time to even get half way through some of the chapters, but I was finally able to borrow a laptop for little bit. I know I need to update on little mustang, but I foolishly didn't upload the next chapter before my computer broke, and I wrote half of Mixed up on different computer. So that is why Mixed Up is getting updated first, and probably finish first since there isn't many chapters left in it probably one or two more. However with little mustang I still have a lot plan, and plus I am still looking for beta. Okay now that the excuses are over let me explain this chapter real quick, I want to explain because you may not see a lot of symptoms of dyslexia written out in the chapter, but this story is relevant to my life, and when I have trouble in school or home I dream about somewhere else. So when something comes up that Guthrie is scared or worried about and he needs that escape this chapter is showing that. So there's not much bullying from teachers or misreading stuff, but it's showing Guthrie's imagination that is somewhat locked in inside of him (and going through the imagination places is once again escaping from life) Also this is chapter is to show dyslexia doesn't always hurt you... it doesn't help, but there are ways unintentionally managed it so to speak. Also I am almost done with author's note I promise, but before that I don't know when I can get to a computer again or when I will have to start on the next chapter so bare with me please. I have school coming up next week so I'm going to have a new laptop, but I have school next week so I don't really know how it is going to fan out... no pun intended on the fan part. So I hope you like this chapter and will stick around for the next, but honestly it could be today or next year but I promise you all who are ready this I will get this story done the same goes for little mustang. So finally I am done thank you so much and I hope you enjoy! :)**

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I took in the scent of the sweet icy air as it gently hit my face. I looked up and all I could see was a faint shed of light coming through the powder white clouds. Also the dancing flurries of snow dancing around my head. I could feel the adrenaline rushing through my body as I almost reach the top of the mountain. When I get there everything below the mountain look like an ocean of color that had no end.

The horizon was a mix of different shades of pink, purple, red, orange, and I could on and on about it.

The breath-taking scene in front of me gave me this sense of accomplishment. Since I could climb this mountain I got the gift of this beautiful painting that looked like it was painted from God itself. After a minute of just standing there I looked up to heaven and let out a cry of victory. After shouting to God with my arms lifted up in praise I dropped to my knees and cried. I gave thanks because for the first time I felt normal no one up here could judge me and any grief I had been between me and God.

No teachers to tell me how worthless I am, no friends to give me blank stares because they want to spare my feelings, and no brothers to disappoint or hurt. I was finally at peace with myself because if I Guthrie McFadden can climb this mountain I can do anything. I stood up to thank god again when suddenly I heard,

"Guthrie!" I jump back from the pounding voice and suddenly fell. The colors of the sky was quickly fading to only peeking out a little then to black.

"Guthrie wake up!" My eyes burst open to Crane standing over me.

"Guthrie you okay? Did you have a nightmare?" Crane asked I could see the worry expression on his face, but I just sat there speechless. Just a couple of seconds ago I had finally found my inner peace and discovered a side of me that I never thought I could reach. I tried to hide the disappointed look on my face, but something told me Crane was to smart for my expressions to go unnoticed.

"Guthrie you okay," I looked up at him and tried miserable to hide the pain expression behind my eyes, "You know those dreams when your falling and everything goes to the pit of your stomach?" I asked as he pulled up a chair right next to the bed I was sleeping in. "Yeah, but something tells me its more than that." '_dammit' _Crane knows me to well.

"Yeah there is more how did you know?" I saw him smirk.

"I'm your brother, plus you were kinda crying in your sleep." After he explain I could feel my cheeks turn red. "No need to be embarrassed we all have bad dreams little brother." He paused for a second before continuing , "So do you want to talk about it?"

I sat up from the bed, "There's nothing to talk about."

"Come on Guthrie you and I both know that is a lie." He kept pressing for information and I wanted to tell him, but honestly how was supposed to tell him?

How I could tell anyone that I was complete disappointment, and I can only carry out stuff in my dreams.

"The dream didn't have to do with anything that happen yesterday did it?" '_Shut up Crane!"_ I thought to myself.

"Come Guthrie you can tell me?" Crane encouraged calmly.

"That's it I can't tell you!" I yelled as quietly as I could without getting the attention of my other brothers.

"why can't you tell me Guthrie?" Crane asked I could hear the sensatory in his voice, but in away it destroy me a little inside to keep secrets from my brother.

"I just can't Crane please understand..." I asked in a pleading voice.

I started crying, "Guthrie normally I would let it go and ask you about when I felt you really need it, but now neither of us are leaving until you tell what wrong." Crane demanded with a stern voice.

"No..." I collapsed on Ford's bed and started crying. Crane came and sat down next to me I heard him sigh and for a second while I cried he just sat there. Then he wrapped his arms around me and just let me cry.

He shh me and was saying something in a soothing voice, but my cries were too loud.

I finally calm down, but continue to stay in Crane's arms.

"Crane if I tell you my dream you can't tell Adam, Hannah or anyone!" I demand.

"Depends if I need to tell Adam because if whatever your hiding is causing you harm than for your best interest I will have to tell deal?" Crane asked quietly.

I nodded, "Deal."

"Okay I was climbing a mountain and I reached the top." I summed up.

"So you were crying in your sleep because you reached a mountain top?" Crane asked dully.

"I was proud when I reached the top. I don't know Crane when I was at the top I was free. Then I thank God, and when I woke up my feeling of peace and freedom were gone, and now I'm sad. Because that bit of happiness I had been just a figment of imagination." I explained.

"So can I ask why you aren't happy with reality?" Crane question.

"I'm stupid Crane every teacher at the school compares me to you and Ford, and I can't seem to get any better." I further explained.

"Oh Guth that's why your sad?" Crane asked.

"Leave me alone Crane you don't know what its like living underneath a brother shadow!" I snapped.

I felt Crane hold me harder, "Guthrie you do realize Adam ran entire ranch basically by himself for a year before Brian could help out and even then both of our brothers were able to feed us, give us the attention we needed, and keep the family business running. If that's not intimidating I don't know what is, and after mom and dad I didn't think I had a future because I knew I couldn't live up to the hard work Adam and Brian do everyday."

Crane let out a long sigh,"Your were too young to remember this, but I use to lash out to and I thought for the longest time Brian and Adam hated me because they kept pressuring me to go to college and I thought the just wanted to get rid of me because I thought I was in the way of their hard work. They even sent my application out to several colleges, and I got accepted to all of them, but I decide to pick the closet one."

Crane took a short breath before continuing, "Anyways when I read those acceptance letter I realized my efforts on the ranch where more successful if I used my brain. I also figure out that if I went to college I could be of further use. What I'm getting at Guthrie is we're not all good at the same things we all have different gifts to give, and express to world, but if we compare our self to someone else than we get no where and all we do is bring our selves down."

"Guthrie you could sell ice to an Eskimo if you wanted to." I laughed to myself about that my brothers are more alike than they think. " Your public speaking skills are outstanding maybe you're lacking in some areas of school, but nobodies perfect." I sniffled a little and looked straight into his eyes. The worry was still there, but their was more of an understanding. I still didn't feel completely comfortable with telling him about the reading and writing situation, but it was nice to let out some grievances about my lack intelligence.

"Thanks Crane I really needed to hear, I mean I heard some of that from Daniel last night after I hurt Ford, but it's nice to hear from you." I said after getting out of the hug Crane had me in. I went to the my brothers closet to get dress, but I could hear Crane still talking to me from the bedroom.

"You talk to Daniel about it last night what he say?" Crane let out a little laugh.

"Basically he said the same expect he was living under your shadow." I said nonchalantly. "Oh and he used the Eskimo metaphor expect it was snow instead of ice and it was about your speaking skills." I popped my head out the closet to see his facial expression and it didn't disappoint.

His eye brows where up wide and he had a giant smirk on his face, "No kidding huh?"

"Yep almost the same wording and everything." I answered while getting back into the closet so I finish getting my shirt on.

"Well at least no one can say we arent brothers." He said I heard the bed squeaks, and I could tell he was getting up, " Hey well I'm going to get some coffee and you better hurry up before Adam gets annoyed."

"K see yeah in second." I yelled through the door.

"And hey if you need to talk about anything you can always come to me." I smiled to myself even though I can't talk to them about everything its nice to know I could if I ever wanted to.

"Thank you Crane." I said happily.

When I heard the door close I came out and finished getting ready in the open room.

After I was done getting my cowboy boots, I went to my backpack, and pulled out my homework. The paper was filled with unreadable scribbles and I just let a sigh, "Maybe today will be different." I said to my self. I just put in away and took out the note that was for the hardware store this afternoon. _5:34_ I read back to myself, yep I convinced Daniel and Crane I'm not stupid and useless now this was my chance to show the rest of my family.

"Guthrie you're gonna be late for school!" Adam yelled.

For the first time in a long time I felt ready to go to school.

I went down stairs to join my brothers for breakfast, "Smells great!" I said with a smile.

"Well looks like sleeping beauty finally decided to join us!" I laughed at Brian's mumble words to his mouth full of pancakes.

"Yeah, yeah smells great Hannah!" I said as I took my seat next to Daniel who had a tower of pancakes and a pound of bacon covering his plate and a side plate of French toast and a pile of eggs.

"Thanks Guthrie it taste better than it smells and I suggest you go quick before the two human garbage disposal eats it all." She claimed eyeing between Brian and Daniel. Both gave huge smiles with syrup seeping out. She laughed and rolled her eyes, I started to fill up my plate when I notice the chair next to me was empty.

"Where's Ford?" I asked.

"Still sleeping off the pain medication." Adam answered as his from what I assume is the living room.

"So you finally woke up little man?" He asked before sipping his coffee.

"yep" I answered stuffy my mouth with pancakes.

"You remember the special after school chore I assigned to you today?" I nodded excitedly "Yes sir me and Evan at the hardware store!" I smiled towards Evan, but he gave a short glare. He must still be mad at me for the Ford accident yesterday. I looked away from him quickly I guest I am still kinda a shamed I hurt my brother.

"So how's Ford?" I asked timidly.

"he'll live it ain't the worst that ever happen to him." Adam said in a mono tone.

"What time is it Hannah?" I asked because for once I didn't want to be late for school. Normally I didn't care about my tardiness for school especially since my first class was gym and my coach didn't care, but another mark makes me look bad to the principal and the rest of teachers which is the last thing I need.

"8:10 you better get to school or your gonna miss the bus," She said taking the plate out from in front of me, "Yeah Daniel and Evan aren't taking you either," Adam, "Last time you miss the bus everyone was late."

I laughed, "Awe it wasn't that bad."

"Yeah for all you, but I had to hear an earful from the principles, and teachers." Adam complained.

"You would think being late one time wouldn't be bad..." Brian added shaking his head.

"I gotta go see yeah later!" I waved as I walked out the door towards the bus stop.

"Bye!" they all yelled in unison.

After uneventful bus ride I got to school, and now it was time for my favorite class gym.

In gym we mainly tryout different sports to prepare us for high school, and the coach says I'm natural when it comes to sports.

I love it my personal favorites when track and soccer. I could run all day the wind blowing with me made me feel like I as an eagle flying in the sky, and when I ran against the wind it made me feel like I could climb that mountain I was dreaming about early. When I finished my run I always feel this waves of exhaust take over me, yet I also feel victorious because I can push through and achieve the impossible.

The same for soccer, I mostly play forward and sometimes midfield. I am also pretty good at being a goal keeper, but I'm not a great defender or at least not as good as the other position.

Forward was my favorite position because of sprinting, I love sprinting. When I run with the ball towards the goal, and I take my foot like a hammer to ball and strike it aiming right for the goal and I make it. Making a goal is my escape from the my anger and hurt in the world.

"Hey McFadden!" Zach yelled from a crowd of our classmates.

"Howdy," I flashed a smile as I walked up to them.

"Hey did y'all hear?" Cody Blake yelled. Oh Cody everyone in our class loved him, but when it came to gym he was the worse.

"What Cody your finally gonna be good at a sport?" Zach asked sarcastically.

Cody just rolled his eyes, "Maybe because were doing a new sport today."

All of us let out a giant yes new sports were always fun to learn plus this would be great self-esteem booster.

"Do you know what the sport is?" Zach asked.

"Golf." He said with cheer.

"Ugh what?" Harry yelled.

"Yeah you gave are hopes up for that!" Zach added.

"Whats wrong with Golf?" Cody questioned.

"Well one where the hell are we gonna play it there is not a golf course from 100 miles in here!" Jim yelled.

"Two don't you have to use math or something?" My eyes widen at that comment a sport where you use math great just great.

"Yeah my grandpa in Florida said you have to use geometry." Lance answered.

"Look on the bright side we don't have to change into our gym clothes." Cody offered with a small smile.

"Shut up Cody." Zach said shaking his head.

"Boys come on shake a leg." Giocondo coach yelled at us, "Oh and no gym clothes today were going to be learning a new sport that doesn't involve running."

We all grunted, and as I saw the boys going in front of me I notice Cody was missing.

Cody was just standing there with his head hung low, _'dammit'_ I should know how it feels to be left out and different.

"Don't worry about it Cody golf should be fun." I suggested giving him a pat on the back.

"Yeah maybe and maybe I will be good at it for once. I'm a wiz kid when it comes to math." He smiled back hopefully.

"Ha maybe." I laughed.

We caught up with the boys and Gio who started handing us two golf clubs.

"Okay boys I know this is different from what your use to, but if any of y'all go to the city and say you want to hang out with some friends or charm your boss and they invite to golf which is very popular in some places well these lessons will help you out." Coach explained as he was finishing passing out the golf clubs.

"Now any questions?" He said clapping his hands together.

All of us raised are hands.

Coach pointed to Mark.

"Yeah aren't these sports suppose to help us in high school?" Mark asked.

"Good question, and to answer it yes they are suppose to help you decide if you want to take a sport in high school, in fact they added golf to the high school curriculum. So anyone interested in the sport now can do it two years in high school and the eighth graders can do it next year." Gio explained, "Good question next question." My hand shoot because I had to find out if the math thing was real.

"Guthrie!" He said.

"do we need to know math to play golf?" Oh know he smiled at me I was hoping he frown in confusing, and then I grimaced at his answer , "Yes very good Guthrie in fact your going to be using at of geometry and you will be learning the wind speed and how to calculate the score..." While he went on and on about it excitedly i shuddered. This was gym this was suppose to be my safe haven away from reading, writing, and especially math.

I was dozing off from him teaching us how to play this boring game.

This time I was in the desert, the hot sun beating down my face.

I was drenched in sweat, and my heart was beating out my chest. I tried imagine a drip of delicious water touching my lips. just to feel that cold sensation in a fragment gave hope to continue my long trek across the dry desert. I'm nervous though because when I look up at the bright blue sky I can see vultures circling me. Their long black wings gives me a little shade from the scorching sun, but their long sharp talons and razor blade beaks gave me no comfort because I knew the second I stopped to rest I become bird food.

As I kept on walking I'm started to feel like there was no end to this vast desert, and even though I have yet to see the chilling moon or even a sunset it feels as though I have walked for weeks.

Suddenly I see a glimmer of hope, I pray that my eyes went deceiving me, It was a beautiful oasis .

The clears crystal blue water had shimmer of gold from the sand and the sun, and long lean palm tree giving the oasis more of paradise look.

Before I was dead on my feet now my body filled itself with adrenaline as I ran to the diamond in the rough.

When I got there the sight was even more beautiful then I can imagine the water was the purest color of blue and so bright from the sun it was almost blinding. I looked at my reflection and was happy I made it to such a beautiful paradise. I continued looking and just like my day dream in the forest with the bear I could see into the eyes staring back. The only differences is mr. ragdales isn't here to spoil it, and instead of looking into a bears soul I could see mine. I kept staring going to deeper and deeper so I could have of understanding of who I am. As I reach the finale destination into my reflection I see myself around a wall covered in a bunch of different words and numbers all spelled backwards and written the wrong way.

I look up at the inner me, he was writing more words incorrectly and numbers going the wrong direction very fast. So fast I could hardly see his left hand or the pencil he was holding.

"Why do you write it like that?" I asked the inner me.

He suddenly stopped and just stared at the wall.

Finally he turned around towards me, and with a blank expression said, "Four."

"What?" I asked in confusion four... what was four suppose to mean?

"Four..." He repeated.

"What does that mean?" I begged him to answer.

"Look out."

I stared at him in shock and confusion, and suddenly everything went black.

"Guthrie, hey Guthrie are you okay?" I hear someone ask me.

"You hoo earth to Guthrie!" Another voice said. So far I can't match a face with any of the voices, everything is just spinning into one big blur.

"Great job Cody I think you killed him!" Okay that voice was defiantly Zach's.

"everyone stop crowing him, Guthrie can you hear me boy?" Coach I thought to myself, I shook my head yes letting him know I could understand him.

Suddenly the spinning stopped and everything was clear, coach was hovering over me surrounded by my classmates.

"Guthrie hey Guthrie how many fingers am I holding up?" _' How was I suppose to answer that when all he was holding up was two fingers.'_

I just decided to guess, "San Francisco..." I heard the whole class roar in laughter.

"Close enough." I saw a hand stretched out in front of me.

He checked me over again, but decide the damage wasn't bad enough to sent home. "Hey why don't you get a drink and sit out this game." He offered. I nodded my head yes has I was still trying to get my baring.

When I a got drink and dressed into my regular school clothes, I waited on the bench for gym to be over so I could go to art.

After what felt like forever I finally hear the outside bell to ring, I got up to leave but I was stop by the coach. "Guthrie you take it easy today you got it?"

"Yes sir." He nodded and went on his way.

Art... I love art. Never do I feel my imagination come more alive than when I am in art class. Today we had to draw paradise , I knew I wanted to draw and capture the pastors of Circle Bar Seven. I may day-dream of escaping somewhere else when I want to get away from it all, but the ranch will always be me home. Throughout the class I was getting into my teacher Mrs. Reeder even commented on it, "Gorgeous Guthrie you have a real talent."

I smiled at the encouragement, unlike most of my teachers I like her. She tolerate and helps us when ever we need it. Plus she brings our imagination to life, most teachers would mock it, but for some people it's hard for them to express themselves. She helps them, as and them me being one of them.

When the bell rang she wanted to talk to me, "Guthrie your art is breath-taking. I would love to put you work in the school art show next month." She offered. It took everything I had not scream and jump around with joy. The school art show that is huge I can't wait. "I'm going to take that as a yes." She smiled. I guess my smile was so big it could answer on its own. "Thank you ma'am." I was to excited I barely heard what she said next, "No thank you Guthrie now get to class.

Most the day went of without a hitch even English wasn't that bad. It was mostly due to the very rare occasion of Mrs. Stephens having a substitute come in. Finally there was the dreaded math class with Mr. Ragdales. For the most part it was the same I get confuse he makes fun of me, but today it seem like all the teachers wanted to talk to me after class about something, and sadly Mr. Ragsdale was no exception.

"McFadden you probably wondering why I am wanting to talk to you to privately." '_Nope I know why to give an detention like always, but go on.'_ I thought to myself. "I want to help you." _'I knew... wait what?' "_I know your thinking I must be off my meds which I don't take, but a new learning center opened up down town, and I want you to go get tested." He explained.

"Test for what?" I asked.

"Learning disability..." He answered, but before he could finish I ran out. He already points out how stupid I am, now he wants to get it certified. Jackass what a Jackass.

I was happy to see Evan standing at the truck waiting for me. "You ready?" Evan asked still giving me the cold shoulder. "Yeah" I answered gloomily. Okay I get Ford being mad at me, but Evan I thought would get over it by now. I mean Ford isn't even mad at me and he is the one I hurt.

"What time did Adam say we need to be there again?" He asked in a harsh tone. "Wait one second..." I pulled out the note I wrote down last night just in case I forgot. "5:34." I read happily.

"Okay well were going to the diner till then." I agreed Evan. Plus I need to talk to him about the whole ford thing.

We got to the diner, and was warmly welcome by Mary. "Hello boys!" Mary waved.

"Howdy Mary how are you doing?" Evan asked as we both walked up to the counter.

"I'm doing great. So what can I get for y'all? Mary pulled out piece of paper and was happily ready to write.

"Cheeseburger, and a coke." Evan said she then turned to me, "Same."

"We'll be at a booth." He smiled at her.

She nodded and put our order in.

When we got to the booth we sat there for a good awkward minute.

"So why do you hate me?" I finally asked. The question must have caught him off guard because he looked completely dumbfounded.

"What are you talking about I don't hate you?" He said completely confused.

"Oh please that's why ever since the latter incident with ford you've been given me the cold shoulder... I know it's because you like him better than me." I rebuked.

"Is that really what you think?" He asked. I choose not to look at him and just nod, "Guthrie I was mad yes but I shouldn't have carried it out this long and I'm sorry for that. As for me liking Ford better than you is bullshit. Yes I'm more protective of him, but you don't look like a kicked puppy all the time like he does." He sighed and I just listened to him pour out. "You got to understand your my brother and I love y'all more than anything..."

I interrupted with I laugh, "More than Diablo?"

He laughed at that with me, "Yes even more than Diablo."

"Here's your Cokes boys. Burgers should be out here shortly." Mary said placing are drinks in front of us.

After awhile we sat talk and ate are food. Finally it was 5:25 we started to head to the hardware store to get the cheap supplies. When we got there the loading truck in front of the store was empty. Both of us looked completely shocked, "Guthrie did you read the note right?" Evan asked.

I took the note out of my back pack again, "Yeah 5:34."

"Stay here." Evan said. He went to talk to one of the workers, and after a moment of confusion in his eyes it changed. He looked back at me with a glare _'Great what did I do this time.'_ Evan came stalking back over to me, "Let go!" He demanded pulling on my arm tightly.

"What happen?" I asked.

" I will talk about it when we get in the truck now move." He order again.

When we got in the truck and started back home I got impatient, "So are you going to tell me what I did?"

He let out an angry sigh, "5:34 Guthrie?" He asked. I nodded slowly still confused, "Try 4:35!" Evan basically yelled.

"What?" I asked blankly.

"Do you realize how much money you just cost us?" He said is voice getting angrier and angrier.

"Well you will realize when Adam finds out." My eye grew wide, I can't even begin to image how disappointed Adam is going to be.

When we got home Adam was waiting for us and no doubt the supplies, "So how did it go?" Adam asked after that he looked in the bed of the truck and saw nothing, "What the hell were the supplies?"

Adam looked between Evan and I, finally Evan spoke up " I think Guthrie should tell you." _'Great thanks a lot Evan.' _I rolled my eyes and when I look up at Adam I saw he was waiting for an answer. I sighed and finally decided to give him one, "I wrote the time down wrong."

"excuse me but you did what!?" Adam yelled. I cringed at his voice, but what he said next was like a dagger, "How you be so...so stu..." He cut himself off.

"Stupid!" I finished for him.

"Guthrie that's not what I meant. He put a hand on my shoulder, but I knocked it off. "But that's what you thought!" I defended myself.

I was sick. Just plain sick. Sick of everyone pitying me, being angry with me, and most of all everyone thinking I was stupid. I looked up to see no one is pastors, and I realized what I had to do. I ran.

This time it wasn't a day-dream someone could take me out of and there was no from stopping me.

So I ran ignoring the yells and going to find a new paradise where no one will suffer from my stupidity.

I saw the forest in the distant, and I ran away to the great unknown.


End file.
